I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
