My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
