Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
