Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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