I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
