really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
