I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
