jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
