Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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