do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
