also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
