I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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