Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
