Do you still have your period?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
