I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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