I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
