she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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