does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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