need another drink. this is the easiest way
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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