When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
