she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
