I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
