as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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