My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
