I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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