Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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