Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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