batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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