Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
