first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
