She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
