You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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