You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
