1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
