maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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