Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
