Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
