What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
