I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
