it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
