JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My liver just had a heart attack.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
