I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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