I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
