she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
