So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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