Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
