3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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