I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
