apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
