So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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