my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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