dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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