I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
