I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
