You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
