I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
