It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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