when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
