Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
