never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
