meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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