So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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